2 Steps forward 1 step back

I had my scan on Thursday last week. To distract from my scanxiety my husband and I took a trip away with a few friends up to Palm Cove/ Port Douglas. Very beautiful but soooo hot I would recommend saving that trip for the coer months. Haha. Regarless it was great to have some time out. 🙂

I got my results yeaterday, Pancrease tumour continues to shrink. Left ovary tumour is slightly “hotter.” Going from 5.7 to 6.7. Right ovary is bigger but the tumour on it appears to be the same. There is a new spot which needs to be monitored closely. So good and bad news.

My Oncologist is talking about me at the Drs meeting but for now im staying on the same treatment. They will probably bring my next scan forward to 2 months he said. Oh, I also asked him about that funky rash- add it to the side effect list! Greeeeat.

I feel OK with the results. One setback back overall trying to stay positive- im better off then I was 9 months ago! And there are other treatment option when the time is right. 🙂

Babies everywhere

So hard. Everyone seems to be pregnant or have a baby! I cant even turn on the tv, catch up with a friend or look at Facebook without seeing babies 😦 

Will it ever get easier?

Call me Miss Leopard

What a crazy week. On Tuesday or was it Wednesday? I went to work all feeling fine then half a hour in I got dizzy and fainty. A few seconds later I was running to the toilet and started vomiting. My stomach was in stabbing pains. I have never been in this much pain in all my life! I was taken to hospital by a workmate (we are 3 mins from the hospital). 

They gave me maxalon for the nausea and morphine straight into my stomach for the pain. The morphine did nothing. I was still wiggling around on the bed in agnony so they game me something else through my canula (i cant remember what it was called) but 20 minutes later it finally settled the pain. I had fevers for about 3 days reaching up yo and over 40 degrees but the fevers are just a normal thing for me now.

The Drs did blood tests and the next afternoon I was sent home with a 2 new neds one for the pains and one to help line my stomach as they thought I could have stomach ulcers. Fair call.

I had the next couple of days resting in bed at home but managed to work 3 hours on Friday!

Saturday my husband bought me back to the hospital as I had broken out in this red rash all down my legs. The Dr got me to stop taking one of the new meds she believed I could be having a reaction to, gave me a high dose antihistamine and off I went back home. She told me if things got worse to come back in.

The following morning I woke up and the rash was still there. I Took all my tabelts and the rash got worse. So off we went back to the hospital. 

I was taken of my second new medication as well. Blood tests were done again and I went home with another antihistamine.

Just before 6pm the Dr called and he wanted me to come back in. There were some issues with my bloods and in particular my liver. He said I am mystery and the rash has him baffled. He phoned my oncologist office and together they decided to keep my in hopsital and get an ultrasound done the next day, pump me full of antibiotics and potassium and do further blood tests. 

So here I am again in hospital with no TV looking like a Leopard and no closer to having answers. The Drs and nurses are all so lovely though. Here is a pic of one of my Leopard legs! Weird hey?

Stomach Stabs

I have been having a stabbing feeling in my lower tummy for the past 3 days. Yesterday It was so bad I went to see my GP. 

He called my Oncologist and they decided it would be best to do a CT scan as they thought it could be a ruptured tumour in my ovary after having a poke around. It was discussed that if this was the case I would be going into hospital to have my ovary removed.

I know this is always probably going to be inevitable that I end up having a full hysterectomy but it is the last thing I want. Im too young and although kids are not possible a hysterectomy makes everything seem so final.

So with the CT I had to drink the contrast! Ewwww It was terrible. First sip I thought it wasnt so bad but a litre later I felt like I had eaten a stick of chalk! Bring back the PET/CT any day!! 

Results are in and there is no rupture or any other loose fluid! Wooohoo. A small win in this constant battle.

My husband says he prays for me all the time. Thanks babe xxx

What a shit week.

This has been a very emotional week for me. Why? Nothing major has happened but I have had some time to myself and thats when my brain starts thinking, maybe too much.

With Cancer and the unknown always in the back of your mind you kind of loose a sese of yourself. I have lost all my confidence, sense of adventure and self worth. The only thing I am at peace with is that when the time comes for me to go I wont be scared. Im not ready to go but I dont fear it.

I dont know how long ill live for and if its only a year or two or even five I think I should be doing everything I want. I shouldnt be paying a mortgage working full time and being a normal childless wife. Or should I? The carrying on normally  seems to help everyone else forget im sick but for me I cant help but wonder if Im wasting me life?

I have looked into accessing my super and its connected life Insurance pay out. As soon as I have been told my treatment isnt working I plan on accessing that money and getting through as much of my bucket list as I can. I hope my sensible and level headed hubby understands this haha.

Diet and Weight Loss

So 3 week ago I signed up for Weight Watchers! Not really to loose weight but as a way to help me track what im shoving down my face! it has been great to actually diarise and look back on what I am eating its a great way to make the healthy choice! 

I have lost 3 kg in just over 3 weeks just by changing to a sugar/fat free diet! I am craving a full strength coke right now but remembet cancer loves sugar!! 

I figure I have to try all I can to help my body fight off these cancer cells!

Happy Weekend! 

Smooth sailing

For now all is going  well. apart from the aches and pains and weird skin things happening! I wont have my next scan until after Christmas. I Can not wait for 2017 this year has been so crap! 

My clever dad made this little flash pic showing the tumour  reduction. Its most obvious in my ovaries !

Its working

​Results show 50% reduction in all my tumours. So glad my treatment is working. Ive been on debrafanib and trametinib for 5 months now! Lets see what the next 5 months will bring! 

PET SCAN DAY!!!

I had my 4th pet scan today. Get my results in 3 days. Finally some answers. Hopefully all these side effects are worth it! 

They got my canula in first go today! Finally they listened and used the baby needle, they put it in a bit further down my arm than normal but it worked.

Whats the point

Chances of me surviving the next 3 years are less than 45%. Im sitting here thinking whats the point. Whats the point of putting everyone through this worry. Is it fair that they worry about me every day until im gone? I dont think so. I am the reason my husband cant have children. I am the reason my parents feel guilty being so far away. I am the reason people feel awkward around me.

Sometimes I think that it would be best if I were to disappear and let everyone move on with their lives. I can see an end in site. Positivity will get you so far in this game but it doesnt change the facts and it doesnt make miracles happen.